Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Toilet Humour

This weekend my wife asked me to do what is probably the worst job in the history of household jobs - cleaning the toilet!

In the process of doing so she asked me to put one of those silly 'clip to the side of the pan to make it smell nice things' on the toilet, you know the ones duck fresh or something - has a soilid green block thing inside a plastic casing.

Later I was having a wee and she said (typically) "Don't wee on the duck fresh" - women - that line (or variants of it) grates with us men almost as much as "Lift the toilet seat when you wee" and its sister "put the toilet seat lid down" - how about instead of relying on us moving the seat - you do it for a chance, when you finish doing a wee - lift it up so we don't have to!

Anyway - back to the point - when she asked me not to wee on the plastic thing I only had one response "If you put something on the side of the pan I'm GOING to wee on it - it's an in built reaction as a man - target practice!

It's like when there are skidmarks on the pan or paper on the side (dirty cow before you didn't flush properly probably - can't lift the seat OR flush) you have to try and get rid of them with the mighty power of the stream - it suddenly becomes a light sabre and you are Luke Pisswalker.

The long and short of the story - don't put things on the side of the toilet if you don't want us to piss on it - that and LIFT THE LID!

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Cancer and Stroke

I've always been a non-smoker and I suppose you could lump in anti-smoking with that, although I do feel that people have the right to smoke ... just ... not near me.

If I have ever doubted the harmful effects of smoking then this last month would have thrown those doubts out the window and spat on them.

Three events have led to the re-inforcement of my anti-smokingness:

1) I found out a month or so ago that my aunty has breast cancer, she smokes and has done so all her life (well apart from the pre-teen bits anyway). However, other than that she is very healthy; she is a vegetarian, eats organic food only, uses alternative remedies where possible and is generally into good stuff. (she is only 40).

2) A friend I know in passing had a stroke, he smokes heavily and isn't particularly healthy but he is only 30.

3) My mum who for the most part is fairly healthy again apart from the smoking since she was 13 had a stroke and hasn't regained full movement yet (a week later).

I just wanted to share this with you, I'm not against people smoking if they want to and would NOT support an outright band (although I do support a ban in public places) I personally just don't understand WHY!

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Thursday, May 19, 2005

Bring on the Brick

My mum has a brick for a mobile phone - literally think the Nokia 3310 and add about a stone to its weight then you are getting near to the size of her phone - in fact pick up a small bottle of coke and that is about the same size.

Why does she carry such an enourmous brick about with her - because she wants to make a phone call and not have to worry about finding the button to call someone in amongst the million other buttons for making the coffee, building a house and writing a will.

That and the fact that she has crap eyesight and can't see the small buttons on 'modern' phones. I'm pretty sure she isn't alone in this - I personally like my phone to do just about as much as it possibly can (apart from play music - I have my iPod for that) and at the moment I have an nGage.

One UK company has already realised there is a maket for bigger, simpler phones that ... well ... let you phone people (and send text messages).

The company is called Retrophone, they launched last year and sel around 500 phones a month to poeple that want their phones to be bigger, tougher and simpler.

The companies founder Olly Pegg said that their customers are 30 to 40 with plenty of money but want a phone that carries out its original purpose.

Now one of the big boys are getting in on the act of Retro phoning.

Vodafone are launching 'Vodafone Simply' sometime this year that will basically be a very simple phone that does calls and text messaging with a simple transparent pricing structure - nice!

I doubt it will just be the old and refusnicks that jump on the simpler phone band wagon, surely it is only a matter of time before the mobile market follows the other big fickle industries - movies, music, fashion and computer games into the retro vibe with people harking for the highlights of yesteryear.

Just look lately we have had the re-birth of New Order, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Space Invaders, Duran Duran and wearing a suit jacket with jeans (lets hope shoulder pads and perms stay in the 80s).

There was a programme on SKY ONE yesterday refering to 'Generation Jedi' the kids that grew up with the first wave of Star Wars who are now in power around the world (in power refering to head of TV companies, countries and other influential people) - that's probably why we are experiencing a 70s/80s retro resurgence - god help us when Generation Spice (and crap pop) get in power in about 10 years.

Find out more in the Guardian article that inspired this post.

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Musical Meme

Thanks Doctovee for passing me the musical meme baton, suppose I should participate so here goes nothing.

Total volume of music files on my computer:
About 10GB although if I deleted some of the TV shows sitting there I might have more room to put more of my CD’s on there, quit limited to a small selection of my collection right now.

Song playing right now:
I’m at work and being force fed BBC Radio Jersey at this exact moment in time and it is churning out ‘Just the way you are’ by Billy Joel, although if you read Random Selection you will see the last five songs I listened to on my iPod.

  • John Lennon - Borrowed time
  • Dave Matthews Band - Let You Down
  • Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out
  • Beth Orton - Best Bit
  • The Coral - Run Run
  • Feeder - Dove Grey Sands

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

  • Razorlight – Stumble and Fall
  • Beatles – Eleanor Rigby
  • Dave Matthews Band – The Dreaming Tree
  • The Buzzcocks - Oh Shit!
  • Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen

If I have understood these meme things correctly then one of the points of them as well as replication is also evolution and growth so I’ll add a question.

The song that turned me from ‘liking what your parents like’ to ‘have my own musical identity’:

  • Oasis - Cigarettes and Alcohol

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