Fairer Three Parties

I know you're not used to me getting all political on you but this one annoyed me and so I felt a need to post my thoughts on the story - normal service will resume shortly.

According to that quality of all reads - the Sun - Tony Blair has said there are thee ways to vote for the Conservative party:

1) Don't Vote
2) Vote Tory
3) Vote Lib-Dem

Utter bloody bollocks, if enough people vote Lib-Dem then it won't be a vote for Labour.

There is also a more scientific reason behind why it is crap - that has been explained in the Independent:

The study found that a swing of 11.5 per cent from Labour voters to the Liberal Democrats could deprive Mr Blair of his overall Commons majority but it would be virtually impossible for such defections - at even twice that rate - to let in the Conservatives to form a government.

The Liberal Democrats, lead by the impish but lovable Charles Kennedy have gained three points according to the latest YouGov poll (and as this is a website that's the poll we will follow) and have stayed at 24% for the past two weeks.

If this reflects what will happen next week then it would give the LibDems 10 more seats than in 2001 - I think they may do even better than that on the day.

OK I'm a realist here, I don't think for a second the Lib Dems will form the next government but what I do think is that they will form a sensible third opposition with less of a major majority for a single party, leading to a fairer system of government.

Charles Kennedy (leader of the LibDems) commented in the Guardian on Tony Blair's comment:

"It's pathetic that there you are in the government, eight years in office, parliamentary majorities in three figures, a benign economic situation, and what's the most positive thing you can say to people who are a bit disillusioned: don't vote Lib Dem or you might get the Tories."

He also doesn't believe the 'national' polls are all they are cracked up to be - he has said that issues are so different from area to area - anything is possible.

He told BBC News online:

"As we know from our travels around the country, the contests are so different in different regions, within different constituencies that frankly anything can happen."

Furthur proof of my point that even though they won't be 'in power' a vote for LibDems is a good one came from an academic professor of politics:

"It is even highly unlikely any swing could result in the Conservatives becoming the largest party. The most likely consequence of any large switch from Labour to the Liberal Democrats is simply nobody would have an overall majority."

See - a vote for the LibDems is a vote for a fair, proper three party system of government that will leave decisions up to individuals instead of parties.

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Dalek around the world

THIS IS CURRENTLY NOT AVAILABLE!

This isn't a review of Dalek, that will come later on the reviews page, although I do give it 5 out of 5 and think it was by far one of the best pieces of TV drama I have ever seen - this however is something very different.

Forget Bit Torrent, forget Kazaa, for the first time ever (probably) everyone in the world was able to watch Dalek at exactly the same time as it went out on BBC ONE in broadband quality, thanks to BBC Multicast.

The BBC Multicast service broadcasts all the BBC Radio Stations live online as well as News 24 on the BBC News site and other one off's like the Olympics - it is supposed to be restricted to just the UK (by ISP's that have subscribed) but this rarely works and is easy to get round.

BBC Multicast are now streaming BBC ONE, BBC TWO, BBC FOUR and BBC News 24 in extremely high quality broadband.

I don't know how long this is going to work for, but at the moment it seems to work around the world - at least it does according to a thread full of excited Doctor Who fans on Outpost Gallifrey who just got to see their favourite show live.

Not sure what the anti-licence fee lobby are going to think of 'Johnny Foreigner' getting the BBC for free but I'm sure most of those fans would happily have paid a subscription just to see the online stream.

Even if it is restricted to UK only it is still great to be able to watch the BBC on my computer instead of the turning the TV on - next we just need BBC THREE and everything will be right with the world.

The one thing that did jump out at me though was that if someone in the UK only watched the BBC on their computer using the stream, got rid of the TV and any other form of recieving equipment they would still get the BBC but wouldn't need the licence fee.

Maybe it is time for legislation change.

There are links to higher bandwidth versions of the radio stations and BBC News 24 on the BBC Multicast page http://support.bbc.co.uk/multicast/ but it doesn't include links to BBC ONE, BBC TWO and BBC FOUR, I've added them below:

BBC1: http://support.bbc.co.uk/multicast/rams/uni/bbc1.ram
BBC2: http://support.bbc.co.uk/multicast/rams/uni/bbc2.ram
BBC4: http://support.bbc.co.uk/multicast/rams/uni/video16.ram
BBC News 24: http://support.bbc.co.uk/multicast/rams/uni/news24.ram

Looks as though certain content won't be broadcast due to rights issues, but it's still pretty good. Quality isn't bad either.

I'm not going to give you details on how to get around the UK ISP issue as it would be illegal - but it isn't difficult.

Oh and this is a pro-BBC post not an anti one, I think the BBC doing this is a great move and another good thing to come out of what is without a doubt one of the greatest institutions and broadcasters in Britain and possibly the world

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The Perfect Sandwich?

Arthur Dent doesn't think Britons know how to make a sandwich, they just shove a couple of pieces of bread together, scrape some margerine over the bread, slap in a bit of cheese or ham, cut it with a blunt knife and shove it one a plate.

The ham and cheese are probably rubbery, the bread dry and margerine rock hard but that doesn't stop us eating it, as Douglas Adams said we see it as payment for past colonial sins.

However someone out there obviously disagrees with him, aparently May will see the start of British Sandwich Week - yes you heard me correctly - British Sandwich Week, a week of events looking at um ... British Sandwiches.

I looked at the press release and laughed, not just because I had only recently read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (see previous few posts) but also because of some of the content.

The press release says:

While most of the activity of the week will revolve around promotions and events being organised by retailers and manufacturers of sandwiches, the British Sandwich Association also co-ordinates a number of national events.

It goes on to explain the events, the first one is an innocent competition to win a holiday (yup it really is a holiday to the Sandwich Islands) and a couple of toasters. It goes on though:

British Sandwich Designer of the Year – On May 12, 10 finalists will be taking part in a sandwich making competition to find Britain’s top sandwich designer.

Sandwich Designer of the Year? What do you have to do to win that? Put the bread in a dress or something? Starve the loaf for a month, feeding it nothing but lettuce so it will fit into a size 6 cling film? There's more:

The event will take place in London during the afternoon and the winner will be crowned at the Sammies – the British Sandwich Industry Awards Dinner the same evening. The recipes from the finalists are available on request.

Yes there is actually an event called the Sammies - I suppose if we can have the bloggies we should let the Sandies have thier Sammies.

Apparently 10 finalists will be taking part in a sandwich making competition to find Britain’s top sandwich designer.

The press release did include a few good recipes and top styling tips for the wannabie Sandies out there - apparently brown bread looks good in red cling film.

You can find the recipes on their website http://www.sandwich.org.uk/ but before I hit publish I just wanted to show you this job title that was in one of the word documents attached.

Senior Sandwich Development Technologist

A couple of blogs you might like to visit that came up when I searched for Sandwich blogs in Google, unfortunatly they don't exactly cover the subject but they are good:
http://keaggy.com/sandwich/
http://enjoyeverysandwich.blogspot.com/

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Talking Ballots

I had one of those great 'laugh out loud' moments today, unfortunatly it wasn't in a chat room where I just wrote LOL, it was actually right in the middle of a busy office, fortunatly what made me laugh also then made everyone else laugh so ... all was good.

You probably guessed, unless you have had one Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster to many that we are in the run up to a general election.

The downside of being in the run up to an election is that you usually need a Babel Fish to help you understand the utter crap most of the politicans spurt out.

The Babel fish is small, yellow, leechlike and feeds on brainwave energy (so it probably wouldn't work with most politicians then).

The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language (I doubt it would work on utter bollocks).

Fortunatly one company has seen through the total nonsense of a general election and produced a couple of billboards that see the funny side.

This is what I call good parody, there are more than this but these are the two I liked the most. Talking Ballots and Smelling Bull.





Have you seen any other funny election parodies or noticed anything that really stands out? Send them to mailto:ryan@upyourego.com.

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ITV in digital push

They got in on the Freeview game a little late, probably because of the fact that they were left shaking after the collapse of ITV digital, this time however it isn't a fully supscription based service, it covers free to air and channels that come under the TUTV banner.

ITV have brought SDN, the company that owns the spaces on the digital terrestrial service carrying Five, QVC, UKTV Gold, ABC1, Discovery and Cartoon Network.

ITV have been gradually launching more and more digital services on the free platform, obviously trying to compete with the BBC, in fact copying the BBC - they have ITV1, ITV2, ITV3 and the soon to launch ITV4 - what next CITV and Cteevies or something.

"Initially, ITV will benefit from a new source of revenue but, critically, this ensures that ITV has the opportunity for future capacity on the digital platform where its highly successful family of channels performs best," said Charles Allen, chief executive of ITV.

So, according to this comment by the CE of ITV they want more channels - more channels to fill with utter mindless drivel that 'unfortunatly' everyone seems to be watching.

Well I though that was the case until I heard the overnight ratings for their bottom of the barell reality show 'Celebrity Wrestling', this went up against Doctor Who (a good example of great TV) and got half the viewers the same slot got last week on ITV1 (the final of Spank and Wet).

Celebrity Wrestling - 3.7 million
Doctor Who - 7.8 million

Don't worry, funny blog posts will return when I've had a good nights sleep.

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Push Red to Give a Kidney

An article on the Media Guardian website goes to show just how far television has come - and of course prove the fact that next year is a Charter Renewal year.

The BBC are launching a series this summer called DoNation that aims to socially engineer the people of Britain.

DoNation will be a week long series across BBC TV, Radio, Interactive and Online, it will include special editions of Holby City and Casualty, both with an interactive element.

Viewers will be able to vote by phone on a choice of two courses of action for the fictional doctors concerned, with their decision affecting the outcome of the show. Between the decision and the conclusion of the episode, experts will discuss the various courses of action open to hospital staff.

Other planned BBC ONE shows include Life on the List, a five-part documentary series following the personal stories behind organ donation, to be screened every night at 7pm.

The Kidney donation part of the season is that digital users can press the red button, fill out an organ doner phone and give a kidney when they die through the NHS organ doner list.

Is this social engineer gone a step to far? Welcome to the world of preach tv as the BBC aims to educate the nation. Previous projects along this scale and line of programming have included Talking Teenagers and Hiting Home.

I'm in two minds as to whether I like this idea or not, on one hand it is good to see a positive educational message put across, giving people the chance to learn about something they might not bother trying to, but on the other hand it stinks of nanny state control, 1984 anyone?

I will wait, watch it then tell you what I think... Watch and then judge.

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Marvin Stole the Show

I went to see the new Hitchhiker's film this morning, I have been preparing myself for it for the past month or so, I've re-read all the books, watched the original TV series, listened to the radio series and played the computer game.

I'm not going to write a long waffling review of the film here, you can get it already in so many different places from much better film critics than myself, I'm just going to give you a quick, spoiler free summary of what I though of the film.

The film is far enough away from the original to keep your attention, but close enough to not annoy you.

There are a number of things in it that are totally different to the book, things that have been added as well as a lot of stuff that was missing (that probably should have been there) but it had all the right laughs in all the right places and I think Douglas Adams would have been pleased with it.

Marvin stole the show - the new look robot really works, he had the best lines (but then he did in the book too), and Alan Rickman as the voice of the paranoid android was truely inspired.

It was also nice to see the cameo appearance of the original Marvin.

FULL REVIEW...

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Hitchhiking the Radio

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Radio Series – Quandary Phase

If I was asked to sum up the new radio series of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in a short, back of a cereal box type of review, I would probably say:

The Quandary phase is a true to the original adaptation of a series that didn’t like to stay true to anything. It is a sensationally orchestrated realisation of an idea by a genius of comic proportions.

You will laugh your dressing gown off and reminisce of day’s not yet to have gone by, but might have happened in the general mish mash.

The first episode of The Quandary Phase of the Hitchhiker's Guide will be broadcast on 3 May on BBC Radio 4.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie starring Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent opens in cinemas across the UK 29 April 2005 and I will post a review tomorrow night.

READ THE FULL REVIEW...

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Text my lenses

I nearly fell asleep at the wheel and let the world pass me by. Fortunatly I actually managed to catch it up today, I threw a big net around it - it nearly pulled me off my feet at first but I stedied myself and put myself back into the middle of it.

You're by now probably wondering what this nonsense ramble has to do with contact lenses and texting ... it has EVERYTHING to do with both, an unlikely combination I think you will agree but my 'trendy' forward thinking opticians decided they should be grouped.

A little, brief backstory might help explain. I recently went for an eye test, and instead of running the risk of my glasses being scratched to utter floppery again by my kids I decided to order contact lenses for the first time, they are due to come down in about ten days.

I phoned up my opticians this afternoon to ask how long they were likely to take, after a few minutes waiting I was finally asked to give them my mobile number and told they would 'text' me when they come in.

TEXT ME!

TEXT, varging TEXT, whatever happened to phone or even write? I expect text messages from friends, tv programmes, gadget magazines and spammers but NOT from my opticians ... what next the undertaker sending you a text to tell you you're dead and that you really should get yourself a nice coffin?

I obliged, gave them my number and will now wait for a 'text' from my bloody optician .. so strange. We'll I guess next I will get a text from my Doctor telling me to come for an apointment because my ears are going to fall off or something.

Flaming TEXT me! Who do they think they are ... ok fair enough I know it was my own fault for taking my eyes off the ball for a few minutes, texting is a more acceptable form of communication than the telephone, it does away with the nastyness of actually talking to someone ... but from the optician?

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Digital Direction

It looks like the wind is changing in the Digital television market.

There has been speculation for a while that Channel 4 will be moving their flagship digital channel, E4, Free to Air sometime this Autumn, however Channel 4 have now confirmed that they will be launching it next month, to coincide with their highest rated programme 'Big Brother'.

The main reason they give for this change is the fact that now Freeview has around 5 million+ users and is growing quicker than a thing that grows quickly indeed.

Because of the increase in users and potential advertising revenue it is now in a position to earn more from advertising than it could from subscription.

Andy Duncan, Managing Director of Channel 4 commented on that:

"Freeview is still growing fast and we're forecasting an uplift in ratings and advertising revenues, which we expect to exceed lost subscription revenues,"

More to follow

This got me thinking, Men and Motors, ITV 2, 3 and soon 4 have all gone free to air, what channel will join them next.

If a major channel can get a deal to be on the Freeview platform (space is limited) we could see the likes of Living TV, BRAVO and possibly even UKTV Gold move free to air. SKY already have SKY Travel free to air on the terrestrial platform so the big question is how long before this becomes SKY ONE lite.

The tides of digital direction are definitely changing, major channels becoming free to air, advertising funded are now a reality and the once 'minor' channels are now getting bigger bugets, more revenue and as a result better programming (whereas ITV are getting worse programming but more money).

Some people believe this will mean the end of SKY and CABLE as people can get the best of what's on from Free to Air platforms - I don't agree, the beauty of SKY and CABLE is that they can offer 'premium' programming like sport and movies, they can even offer HDTV programming so there will ALWAYS be a call for that kind of offering - it may become higher prices (more premium/exlusive) as free to air becomes more common but it will never dissapear.

The other big question of course is "what happens to Top Up TV" the 'little extra' pay tv provider for Freeview. E4 was their flagship channel, the one that people got the service for ... given my theory that in 10 years (at most) time the Pay TV model will be based around sport and movies and not 'something extra' - they would do well to start signing deals to get sport and movies channels signed up.

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St Google Day

There are rare, magical occasions in the life of a random surfer like myself when you come across that great god of great things, the golden chuckle ... no it isn't one of the mustache wearing, micheif making pranksters of 1990's children's tv in a compromising, slightly acidic situation, but a moment of utter delight, a laugh when least expected.

My Golden Chuckle was brought about by an intirely random link on The Register, the link took me to a story they are running about Google not celebrating St. George's (the patron saint of warm larger, soggy peanuts, rat burgers at half time and football) day.

The article written by Lester Haines is a fairly normal (for The Register) look at a slightly off the wall topic - in this instance trying to find out why Google (the god of finding stuff) didn't have a doodle for St. George's Day (but somehow managed to find the time to create a doodle for some dodgy water thingy).

Here is the line in the article that made me laugh:
And if we don't get satisfaction in the matter, then by the Lord Harry we'll use another search engine to track down Paris Hilton's topless mobe snaps. Consider the gauntlet duly thrown down.

The Register article suggests sensible things to cover like the Battle of Britain Day (15 September); Trafalgar Day (21 October); The Day England Won the World Cup Day (30 July).

So let's all get behind the campaign (I like campaigns for silly things) and urge Google to repay their dept to British society.

My weight (no weight jokes please) goes behind the day the search ended for the Loch Ness Monster, the Google logo will make a good Loch Ness Monster (11 October).

Or maybe if other Englishmen find covering an event that took place in the land of the skirt wearing red heads offensive, they could mark the occasion when the worlds first Sumo Wrestling Championship (9 October) took place outside of Japan, at the Royal Albert Hall.

Or as a final suggestion, not 100% English but still good, they could look at the wonderful moment in the countries history when Felixstowe was invaded by Swedish identical twins (7 October).

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Pigeon lady

birds
Originally uploaded by Up Your Ego.

Taken during an anti-war demonstration in Royal Square in St Helier, amidst the banner proclaiming "Peace not Bombs" and large cut out doves (I bet their parent's weren't too happy about the holes in the sheets after that one) there was one quite scene with a woman surounded by 30 or 40 pigeons.

Moody Dog

Moody Dog
Originally uploaded by Up Your Ego.

It's a photo taken in black and white of a toy dog looking a little bit down in the dumps.

In reality I think he was about to pounce on my four year old daughter - it's amazing what a difference black and white makes to a picture.

Oh and if you were interested his name is Monty.

Voting proud

I had the opportunity to exercise a right today, the right to vote.

I'm 23 and have really started to take an interest in politics and the way the people run the country ... well ... run the country.

For the first time I voted in a UK General Election, last election in 2001 my daughter was about 7 months old, not sleeping and I was working about every hour left in a day, I was also living in Jersey, Channel Islands (so voting required a couple of extra steps than if I was living in England) ... as a result of all of this voting was the last thing on my mind.

I did vote in the Jersey elections that year though. The time before I was too young to vote.

This time round I was determined to exercise my democratic right and cast my vote, I filled in the form to register as an overseas elector, then waited patiently for my ballot paper to arrive in the post ... this is where I apologize to the electoral officers at Dacorum Borough Council for calling about five times asking when the papers are being sent out.

The paper arrived on Friday, I ticked the relevant box, put it in the envelope then put it on the side to send it - it went this morning.

The two acts of ticking the box and putting it in the post box gave me a real sense of achievement, the person I'm voting for might not get in (in fact he probably won't) but at least .. if there is something I don't agree with .. I can happily disagree with it because I know I had a part in the whole process ... it is our country, not the country of a select few .. we should say how it is run.

oh and in case you were thinking I just randomly ticked a box on a piece of paper without doing any research .. you are mistaken.

I looked at the websites of each of the candidates standing in the area, read their policies, looked at the national sites of their parties, read their policies, contacted the candidates I most related to, asked them questions ... then I voted after deciding on the one that best suited my political standing (see earlier post).

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Evil Library

I have decided, after nearly an hour of searching, that libraries are evil places if you don't know what you are looking for.

OK let me explain, I am a fan of the new Doctor Who series, I got into Who when Eccleston was announced as the big man, never watched the old series, never wanted to really.

Now I'm hooked and want to find out as much about Who as possible, I am looking for a new book to read so decided to go down to the local library and have a look for a Doctor Who book.

Unfortunatly going into a library and looking for a book you don't know the author of or in fact know the title of is a little bit of a fruitless excersize.

I found (from using their little green computer) that there were Doctor Who books there, I even found the author but when it came to looking in the right place I couldn't find the bloody book.

What made the whole thing even worse was the fact that most of the books where in the flaming 'Junior Readers' section of the library. I will have to take my four year old in with me at the weekend and look properly.

Libraries are cold, dark places when you don't know what your looking for ... the only thing worse is the 'Junior Readers' section when you are an adult alone.

I eventually found a book in the middle of the 'Older Readers' section of the library ... the bit for teenagers.

Campaign

I am launching the campaign for the easier organisation (by brand or type) of library books.

Why can't they just put all the Sci-Fi books together, all the Romance books together and so on... and then be really nice and put all the Doctor Who books and all the Star Trek books together under the SciFi section.

Let's join forces and fight the superiority opression of librarians and their 'evil' system the world over.

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Fundamentals

I’m not sure whether it is because I have just been reading The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy by the legend that was Douglas Adams or that I’m just completely bored, but I’ve decided to write a novel.

It’s set 200,000 years in the future and in a tolerant but misguided English society.

Come to think of it, the reason for writing the novel might actually be because, while going through the archives on my computer, I came across an incredibly bad attempt at writing a sitcom of mine from about a year ago.

It was called imaginatively called ‘Market’ and even more imaginatively was about a bunch of market traders, the writing was worse than a combination of the most horrible bits of ‘Mad about Alice’ and ‘My Hero’.

In short it was a run of the mill, typical BBC ONE, Friday night, turn your brain off, hope nobody is watching sitcom.

Here are the first couple of paragraphs of what is likely to be even worse than ‘Market’ are below.

The fundamental laws of general lifeyness

The year is 200,005. Religion has been made illegal, and life is only tolerated as long as it conforms to the fundamental law of general lifeyness.

The place is the ‘UFUGNSL-RGSCB’ or the ‘United Federation of the United General but Non Specific Leadership-Regime of Great but in a not to Self Congratulatory Britain’, otherwise referred to by the non-pedants1 as Brian2.

---

Footnote
1. The government tried to outlaw pedantism as a form of social disease 10 years ago but failed miserably after the great pedant uprising of 200,001.

2. Brian is the name of the man that caused the great pedant explosion of 200,004 after posing to them the great anti-pedant question “to be completed when I grow a brain larger than a small pee and am capable of coming up with something witty and intelligent”.

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Oh Bol....

Doctor Who 1:5
World War III

Rating: 4/5

Ryan's Review
Sensational, I loved it my daughter loved it, you couldn't not love it, absolutely wonderful.

OK that's the first feet first, immediate reaction on the night of broadcast out of the way, now a little more in depth look at the episode.

This week was better than the first part, Aliens of London, it scared the living heebee geebee's out of me.

Last week I thought the Slitheen where a little silly looking but this week they really came into their own, their 'cute' faces made them even scarier, and the way the glided across the floor of number 10 like it was about to collapse under their feet was just incredible - you felt like they where actually there and could almost jump out of the tv and eat you or something.

I'm not going to spoil it but the ending was spot on as was the 'nod' at the whole Weapons of Mass Destraction thing and 45 minute claim - all very brave of the BBC in an election month.

Good stuff

Oceana's Review (aged 4)
fear factor: 3 see bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/

The bits where the alien's where chasing the doctor where scary, I liked it when they used vinegar to make him go splat over Mickeys face.

Next week: Dalek

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Cry out loud

Cry out loud
Originally uploaded by Up Your Ego.

Here is a great black and white photo I took of my 18 month old son Jaden-Taylor during a bit of a tantrum because I wouldn't let him hit the TV with a wodden hammer.

Catch the number 10

I know this is a bit late but I wanted to add it anyway...

Catch the number 10 to Gallifrey via Tennant.

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new eu

I was just reading on BBC News that the European Commision are 'finally' launching a .eu domain extension - all I can say is - at last.

We are part of what is fast becoming a single Europe so why not have a domain name that breaks down the borders.

Also - if you are Euro sceptic and don't agree with a single Europe concept you probably are more likely to agree with the original Europe concept of a more open trading market - the .eu domain is perfect for this purpose as well - allowing a company to operate Europe wide and have an identity that shows it.

The eu commision website mention that the domain will only be open to registered trademark owners for the first few months before becoming open to the public.

"The Commission is hopeful that ".eu" can "open for business" in the fourth quarter of 2005. It should be noted, though, that the first few months of registration will be reserved for "holders of prior rights" (e.g. trademarks), before general registration can begin. Please note that Pre-registration or reservation of .eu domain names is not possible!"

• Information Society - .eu story
• BBC News Story
  

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Bill and Ted

I was thinking about the movie Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure this morning and it made my head hurt.

Rufus, the time dude, comes back from the future to change the past to make sure his future happens.

My question is this:

If Rufus comes from a future that doesn't exist without him going to the change the past to make it exist - how does Rufus exist to change the past to make his own future?

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Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat

Your actual outcome:

Labour -22
Conservative -31
	Liberal Democrat 58
UK Independence Party -6
	Green 46

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

ebaying mad

Not a lot more to say that the headline doesn't cover - My wife has gone e-baying mad - ever since her dad introduced her to it she keeps bidding and winning.

This is going to cost me a fortune - although she did get a book for 1p plus postage (£1.01) so it can't be all bad.

Give us a hug

Help the Aged have launched a campaign to encourage harmony among generations and unite them - by getting them to hug.

They have published a list of who needs to get together, hug and make up. I'm publishing it because their is some pretty funny stuff.

The one I want to add of course is Dido (insert any crap/boring artist here) and a gob stopper.

1. Kieron Dyer - Lee Bowyer
2. Tony Blair - Michael Howard
3. Jordan - Jodie Marsh
4. Sir Alex Ferguson - Arsene Wenger
5. Jamie Oliver - Ronald McDonald
6. Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie
7. Darth Vader - Yoda
8. Rachel Hunter - Penny Lancaster
9. Alastair Campbell - Greg Dyke
10. Neil Morrissey - Les Dennis

What would you add?

Old Man

I was trying to watch my DVD of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy TV series last night when my wife came into the room (from watching TV in the bedroom) and said "I thought the pope was dead".

She saw the new Pope Benedict on TV and said "he looks older than the last one - at least he won't be around for long".

Pope Benedict XVI is 78 years old and a strict conservative opposed to abortion, contraception, homosexuality and fun.

Backadder

According to a report in the Daily Express and on the Digital Spy media website Blackadder Brain child of Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, starring Tony Robinson and Rowan Atkinson, is coming back.

Of course there have been rumours about this before and it is well known that a number of the people involved have expressed an interest in reviving the winning format that follows the family of a 'once' nobleman (Blackadder) family and his trusty sidekick Balkdrick through time and generations.

Curtis has said in the time "We'd always said we'd do it, and yes we definitely still want to" it is unknown when the show would actually be set but I would like to see either 'Roman Britain' - which probably wouldn't work as Blackadder 1 saw the first of the Blackadders or somewhere in the future.

Maybe it could expand on the story in 'Back and Forth' where Blackadder is King and Baldrick the Prime Minister.

TARDIS Toilet

My four year old has become an avid Doctor Who adict since the new series began last month, she watched with me every week without fail, often her eyes are covered or her head buried into my shoulder because it's scary - but she always peeps out from behind her hands.

She didn't really know who Doctor Who was until I introduced her to the new series amidst my excitment - the reason she didn't know what it was - simply that I never watched it as a child and so never got into it, now I am and am as hooked as she is.

We were walking along the street the other day and my daughter turned to me and said: "Daddy, why is the TARDIS green", confused I asked her what she meant and she pointed to this large green portaloo inside a building site.

Kids say the funniest things.

All I can say is well done Russell T Davis and the new Who team for bringing the series to ME and a whole new generation.

BBc Back in Space

It looks like the BBC are going into space again, this time it doesn't include a big blue box, a leather coat or a sonic screwdriver.

Red Dwarf fans will want to read on...

According to The Media Guardian the new show will be a sitcom set in space - set on one of the ships of a new British space fleet sent out to explore the galaxy.

Read more here: BBC TWO LINES UP SPACE COMEDY sounds spiffing!

Tree

This was originally going to be about trees but in keeping with the current political activity going on around the country I decided to change it.

If men are from Mars and women from Venus where do politicians come from?