Talking in the Tank

According to a survey commissioned by Skype, three quarters of Brits like talking on the toilet. According to the Daily Mail all young people end up talking into the toilet as we’re all Bing-Drinking nazi loving hippies (applogies for my continuing war on the Daily Mail).

I don’t normally write up press releases but this one seemed fun enough. Apparently “cheeky chappy” Jonathon Ross is the UKs number one celebrity chatterbox followed by Jade Goody and Graham Norton. Basically the three most chatty celebrities in the UK are a couple of overly camp chatshow hosts and the genetically modified pig from the first series of Doctor Who - says a lot about 21st Century Britain doesn’t it.

I was reading through this press release and all the dross about Jonathan Ross and Miss Piggy talking on the toilet to Graham Norton when I saw this line “A small percentage admitted to talking on the phone while driving a tank!” WHAT THE F…!

When they say small percentage I’m assuming they mean about 0.005%, I mean how many people outside the British Army have tanks they can drive around in while talking to Aunt Edna about her bunions?

Then again maybe if more people drove tanks around we could do something about his crapyness El Tony’s life controlling laws - can’t see many police officers armed with a stick telling someone on his mobile to stop talking if they’re driving a tank at the same time.

I’m actually all for people not using their phones while driving as long as they’re not allowed to listen to crappy commercial radio DJs talking bollocks, are allowed to knock down speed cameras and road signs and can tell the idiot sitting next to them chatting away like a looney to shut up!

Then again I don’t own a car, have a driving licence or any desire to get one.

Back to Skype

According to the survey the worst shock a British person has ever experienced over the phone is being told what they did the night before (because they were too drunk to remember). Don’t get me wrong, that can be pretty shocking but surely being told your [insert relative here] has just died in some horific way is much more shocking than finding out you photocopied your arse and snogged Barry from accounts at the office party!

Apparently 17% of us have actually fallen asleep while chatting on the phone to someone else. To be honest I’m half asleep while chatting on the phone anyway but that’s a technique men learn from birth. Pretend to be as distant as possible while talking to anyone on the phone and they won’t keep you talking for any longer than is absolutely necessary.
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Another interesting tidbit from the survey is that women like chatting on the phone while soaking in the bath - now I see why mobile executives wanted to get video phones launched ASAP - imagine getting a wrong call under those circumstances.

I’ve just got to the bottom of the survey and apparently it only surveyed 1000 members of the general public - how the hell did the tank get in there. I could just about accept it when I thought it was a several thousand but if only 1000 people where questioned either someone’s being a dick or there’s a physco on the loose.

Obviously there’s a commercial reason why Skype paid for this survey to be done and the reason is that until 31 December 2006 if you buy £10 of Skype credit (to be used on mobile and international calls) you can call any landline in the UK and Channel Islands for free.

On another Skype related note there’s a pretty sexy looking WiFi Voip phone from Belkin out on Monday that’s Skype friendly. It’s set to retail for around £100 (or about £85 for me as I live in the ‘currently’ VAT free Jersey).

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